I had previously written this entry on seeing the Coreys on my old blog, and I decided to re-post it here after hearing the news of Corey Haim dying from an accidental overdose. His death, unfortunately, doesn't come as a huge surprise -- but it's still sad nonetheless. My entry makes fun of the Coreys, so if you are offended by this, I suggest you not read on.
Soon enough the camera crew comes out and starts filming the line. They just kept going up and down the line, demanding people to scream and make a lot of noise (demanding people to be more excited than they really were). It's the weirdest feeling being filmed. My body just seems to shut down and I go into panic mode. I don't know what I should do. You don't want to acknowledge the camera is there because then you risk looking like one of those idiots that really want to be on TV. But you don't want to be one of those people that is obviously turning away from the camera, because then you just look like a shy loser. And you don't want to sit there grimacing, but you don't want to look like you're having too good of a time, as if you were a real Corey fan. I wanted to make a t-shirt that said "no, no, I'm here for ironic reasons." But from the look of the people in the line, I realized that 95% of the people in line were there for ironic reasons. And it was painfully obvious which people made up the other 5%.
Then Corey Haim went on stage and introduced Corey Feldman's band. Wait a minute?!? Corey Haim isn't in the band?!? I came here for a double bill, I better see some Feldman-on-Haim action! Anyway...the back-up band comes out and starts playing. Totally building up the moment. The music is crescendoing. The fog machine is going crazy. All of a sudden a big spotlight comes on, and Corey Feldman appears from under the stage on one of those rising platforms. He is in an all black outfit including a black velvet top hat, black leather gloves, and big black sunglasses. He dances around the stage for a few minutes (he is a good dancer. I'll give him that. He was still doing those Michael Jackson-esque moves he used to do when he tried to be Michael Jackson in the 80's). Finally he starts singing, and it just doesn't get any better than this. He wasn't a bad singer, he just wasn't good. And the songs were like bluesy, rock-ish, college-band-esque. It's hard to definitively describe what they were like because they were kind of all over the place. But Corey really took himself seriously. He explained what songs were about and how much they meant to him "This song is about the fucking war! I'm sick of seeing people go into graves...you guys know what I'm talking about, you're Canadian, YEAH!" And that particular song had some amazing lyrics -- "take my hand...take a stand..." kind of stuff. At one point he sings a song that appears "on my first album, as well as my third." That makes no sense, but...wait, did he just say he had at least three albums?!? Another highlight of the concert is when he covered Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" and played the piano. Wait, "highlight" isn't the word I'm looking for...
Just about every song he did a costume change. At one point he was wearing one of those "tattoo shirts". Where, from afar, it looks like one has full chest and back tattoos, but then you see the wrinkles in their shirt...
Also, at two different points in the show he brought two nasty chicks in bikinis on stage. But, to his credit, he brought his wife on stage twice too. At least he's fair.
Meanwhile, Corey Haim is just wandering around the floor of the club. Pretty much hitting the bar every ten minutes and hitting on the bartender. Once he was at the bar we were able to see him really close up, and we saw that he had a gash on his forehead. I bet he totally got it from hitting his head on the toilet in a public restroom after passing out from a drug binge. Oh yeah, and he had a lollipop in his mouth the whole night. Probably laced with acid.
Finally, the last song, Corey Haim gets called on stage. The Coreys hug each other. It's cute. Seeing the Coreys hug in the 2000s is like seeing a unicorn in a rainbow-misted field. Corey F. sings and Corey H. just wanders around the stage harrassing the musicians in the band and playing bongos. Then a girl jumps on stage. Guess who? One of the drunk, skanky girls that was in front of us in the line. She starts dancing all skanky up against Corey Feldman. Then the bikini chicks come back out, and Corey puts his arms around the two bikini girls. Then the crazy, drunk, skanky chick runs up to the three of them and put her arms around them too. Then a bunch of other people jump on the stage. But that one crazy, drunk, skanky girl kept trying to be front and center, or close to Corey F. Then Corey Feldman's wife starts passing out cans of silly string to people on stage, and they all start shooting it into the audience (man, the budget for this show must have been off the charts!). Then at the end Corey F. thanks the audience for being so awesome and coming out on such short notice (once again, thinking people are really here to hear his music). Corey then hugs his wife...and then crazy, drunk, skanky chick nuzzles herself in between them. Not exactly showing her tits, but close enough.
1/22/2007
One unsuspecting night I get a phone call from Emma. She alerts me that the Coreys are performing together in Vancouver tomorrow. My first impression was that this was a joke. Beautiful, earth shattering events like that just don't happen to me. I remember discussing the Coreys with Emma a few days earlier (questioning her choice of Corey Feldman over Corey Haim), so I thought that was too coincidental to be true. But could she lie to me like that? Probably not. I imagine her to be the kind that can't help but to giggle a little bit or have a slight voice change when she lies. But I digress... A few seconds into the conversation, and I come to find out this event is for real. My next thought was, "wait a minute, they're performing together? What the hell does that mean?" I searched my mind for possible talents the Coreys could do on a stage together. Since a heroin-shooting contest or a blowjob contest was out, my next thought was they'd do something improv. Something Whose Line Is It Anyway? Essentially, something bad. Then my ears began to tingle when I heard it was a concert. As in singing, possibly original songs, and most definitely derision. I was pumped!
But the next morning, in the daylight, I thought to myself "wait a minute. Do I really want to see this trainwreck?" Feelings of laziness started to take over. Do I really want to drive out there to see something that's just a novelty? When I could just stay home in my pajamas and watch Next Great Chef. But upon further thought, and reading on the club website that the concert was going to be filmed for a reality show featuring the Coreys, I changed my mind. I decided I couldn't pass this up. The novelty of it all was the best part -- not the detracting factor. I could not pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity (yes, it is). Plus, it was a free concert! You just needed to bring a can of food to donate to the food bank. You can't argue with free admission and hungry children!
We get to the club, and there's already a line forming in the front. I didn't expect the line to be as big as it was. Part of me thought this will draw a big crowd because it's fucking hilarious. The other part of me thought it would be our group of people and then two other people (the webmaster of the #1 Unofficial Corey Haim website and the webmaster of the #1 Unofficial Corey Feldman website). So I was excited to see a lot of people. We walk past those huge filming lights set up on the sidewalk, and take our spot in line behind a group of really drunk, skanky chicks. I said to Eagan "ten bucks says one of the girls in front of us takes her top off during the show and shakes her sick, sag-bags in the Coreys' direction." I came close [more on that later].
But the next morning, in the daylight, I thought to myself "wait a minute. Do I really want to see this trainwreck?" Feelings of laziness started to take over. Do I really want to drive out there to see something that's just a novelty? When I could just stay home in my pajamas and watch Next Great Chef. But upon further thought, and reading on the club website that the concert was going to be filmed for a reality show featuring the Coreys, I changed my mind. I decided I couldn't pass this up. The novelty of it all was the best part -- not the detracting factor. I could not pass up this once in a lifetime opportunity (yes, it is). Plus, it was a free concert! You just needed to bring a can of food to donate to the food bank. You can't argue with free admission and hungry children!
We get to the club, and there's already a line forming in the front. I didn't expect the line to be as big as it was. Part of me thought this will draw a big crowd because it's fucking hilarious. The other part of me thought it would be our group of people and then two other people (the webmaster of the #1 Unofficial Corey Haim website and the webmaster of the #1 Unofficial Corey Feldman website). So I was excited to see a lot of people. We walk past those huge filming lights set up on the sidewalk, and take our spot in line behind a group of really drunk, skanky chicks. I said to Eagan "ten bucks says one of the girls in front of us takes her top off during the show and shakes her sick, sag-bags in the Coreys' direction." I came close [more on that later].
Soon enough the camera crew comes out and starts filming the line. They just kept going up and down the line, demanding people to scream and make a lot of noise (demanding people to be more excited than they really were). It's the weirdest feeling being filmed. My body just seems to shut down and I go into panic mode. I don't know what I should do. You don't want to acknowledge the camera is there because then you risk looking like one of those idiots that really want to be on TV. But you don't want to be one of those people that is obviously turning away from the camera, because then you just look like a shy loser. And you don't want to sit there grimacing, but you don't want to look like you're having too good of a time, as if you were a real Corey fan. I wanted to make a t-shirt that said "no, no, I'm here for ironic reasons." But from the look of the people in the line, I realized that 95% of the people in line were there for ironic reasons. And it was painfully obvious which people made up the other 5%.
The doors were supposed to open at 8:00, but they didn't. I think they were trying to delay the door-opening as long as possible in hopes that the line would get even longer, so the line footage would seem more impressive than it really was. I mean I was impressed by the length of the line -- considering this was a fucking joke to nearly everyone. However, the Coreys on the other hand [particularly Feldman] I don't think were aware of this. I think Corey F. thought people were really there to hear his music. Ah, delusions of grandeur. I can totally imagine them splicing the film from the three times they went up and down the line to make it look like the line was longer than it really was. If on the reality show you see that I'm a sextuplet and we all decided to be in different spots in the line...you'll know.
Once we get inside, we see Corey Haim. He looks way less bloated since the last time I saw him (on TV). He wasn't "Corey Haim-in-his-heyday hot", but he looked decent. And I was shocked at how short he was. He was probably 5'5" or 5'6". For some reason, I always imagined him to be taller. He seemed taller on film. Maybe because he was always next to short people (Corey Feldman included, who is probably 5'4". It was cute seeing the various microphone stands on the stage, and the one in the center was about six inches lower than the others. I think we know who's mic stand that was).
Once we get inside, we see Corey Haim. He looks way less bloated since the last time I saw him (on TV). He wasn't "Corey Haim-in-his-heyday hot", but he looked decent. And I was shocked at how short he was. He was probably 5'5" or 5'6". For some reason, I always imagined him to be taller. He seemed taller on film. Maybe because he was always next to short people (Corey Feldman included, who is probably 5'4". It was cute seeing the various microphone stands on the stage, and the one in the center was about six inches lower than the others. I think we know who's mic stand that was).
Then Corey Haim went on stage and introduced Corey Feldman's band. Wait a minute?!? Corey Haim isn't in the band?!? I came here for a double bill, I better see some Feldman-on-Haim action! Anyway...the back-up band comes out and starts playing. Totally building up the moment. The music is crescendoing. The fog machine is going crazy. All of a sudden a big spotlight comes on, and Corey Feldman appears from under the stage on one of those rising platforms. He is in an all black outfit including a black velvet top hat, black leather gloves, and big black sunglasses. He dances around the stage for a few minutes (he is a good dancer. I'll give him that. He was still doing those Michael Jackson-esque moves he used to do when he tried to be Michael Jackson in the 80's). Finally he starts singing, and it just doesn't get any better than this. He wasn't a bad singer, he just wasn't good. And the songs were like bluesy, rock-ish, college-band-esque. It's hard to definitively describe what they were like because they were kind of all over the place. But Corey really took himself seriously. He explained what songs were about and how much they meant to him "This song is about the fucking war! I'm sick of seeing people go into graves...you guys know what I'm talking about, you're Canadian, YEAH!" And that particular song had some amazing lyrics -- "take my hand...take a stand..." kind of stuff. At one point he sings a song that appears "on my first album, as well as my third." That makes no sense, but...wait, did he just say he had at least three albums?!? Another highlight of the concert is when he covered Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" and played the piano. Wait, "highlight" isn't the word I'm looking for...
Just about every song he did a costume change. At one point he was wearing one of those "tattoo shirts". Where, from afar, it looks like one has full chest and back tattoos, but then you see the wrinkles in their shirt...
Also, at two different points in the show he brought two nasty chicks in bikinis on stage. But, to his credit, he brought his wife on stage twice too. At least he's fair.
Meanwhile, Corey Haim is just wandering around the floor of the club. Pretty much hitting the bar every ten minutes and hitting on the bartender. Once he was at the bar we were able to see him really close up, and we saw that he had a gash on his forehead. I bet he totally got it from hitting his head on the toilet in a public restroom after passing out from a drug binge. Oh yeah, and he had a lollipop in his mouth the whole night. Probably laced with acid.
Finally, the last song, Corey Haim gets called on stage. The Coreys hug each other. It's cute. Seeing the Coreys hug in the 2000s is like seeing a unicorn in a rainbow-misted field. Corey F. sings and Corey H. just wanders around the stage harrassing the musicians in the band and playing bongos. Then a girl jumps on stage. Guess who? One of the drunk, skanky girls that was in front of us in the line. She starts dancing all skanky up against Corey Feldman. Then the bikini chicks come back out, and Corey puts his arms around the two bikini girls. Then the crazy, drunk, skanky chick runs up to the three of them and put her arms around them too. Then a bunch of other people jump on the stage. But that one crazy, drunk, skanky girl kept trying to be front and center, or close to Corey F. Then Corey Feldman's wife starts passing out cans of silly string to people on stage, and they all start shooting it into the audience (man, the budget for this show must have been off the charts!). Then at the end Corey F. thanks the audience for being so awesome and coming out on such short notice (once again, thinking people are really here to hear his music). Corey then hugs his wife...and then crazy, drunk, skanky chick nuzzles herself in between them. Not exactly showing her tits, but close enough.
Corey Feldman -- the master himself. First outfit.
Check out his awesome tattoos and washboard abs
Corey Haim -- he's the one with the shag carpet-trimmed jacket (at least that's what it looks like). Look how everyone is taller than him, except my friend in the purple shirt and black vest. She is 5'4 and just barely shorter than him.
Corey Haim involved in what looks like a drug deal
A gash on the forehead. Drinking shots. Potential acid lollipop. Satan in the background. A day in the life of Corey Haim.
The closest I'm going to get to Feldman-on-Haim action. Check out Haim playing the bongos in the background (lollipop in mouth).
I'm forever grateful for tall Eagan taking these wonderful pictures for me, as I was too short to get any decent shots. Though I did manage to get the bar shots with Corey Haim. Thank god this night was documented, otherwise people wouldn't believe me. Also, when the reality show came out, in the concert episode you could see Eagan standing in line. But I was being blocked by some tall people. Lame!
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