Deal Breaker?

A.V. Club recently had a piece on couples that have disagreements over their tastes in movies/tv shows/music/books. For example, a guy not understanding how his wife didn't share his love for the Beastie Boys and another guy being annoyed that his girlfriend reads so many young adult novels.

It got me thinking. I'm not one of those people that would write somebody off for their pop culture tastes. I wouldn't dump a guy because he hated Dolly Parton (though I would seriously consider it...). I wouldn't ditch a friend because they like the TV show Reba or The Bachelor/ette. But I am one of those people that could build a friendship on similar tastes.

I wouldn't defriend you because of your tastes, but I might befriend you because of your tastes. When I meet someone new at a get-together or a party, and we soon find out we have a similar pop culture interest (or interests), that can become a good icebreaker. That can get the conversation going. Discussing the medical bills we've accumulated due to the heart attacks caused by Breaking Bad can be a great way to start a friendship. If I find someone that says High Fidelity is one of their favorite movies/books, then they have my attention. Finding a shared love of Rocky Votolato results in album reviews (and our preferential ranking of the albums) and concert stories, which leads to discussions of other bands that toured with Rocky, and on it goes until you get married (ok, maybe that's a stretch).

And while not everyone that has similar tastes end up being a good match for you -- I've met assholes that like Elliott Smith and annoying people that like David Sedaris -- at least it's a good starting point to see if there's potential.

This piece also got me thinking about my own personal relationship. Luckily, Eagan and I have very similar pop culture tastes. I don't find myself having to compromise and go see Transformers 2 in the theatre because he really wants to (because he doesn't). I don't have to fill my ears with cotton balls because he's listening to Kid Rock in the other room (because he isn't). We pretty much like the same music, movies, TV shows, etc. But that's not to say we have all the same likes. We have our differences -- luckily we don't have disagreements over them or anything. We might give the other a hard time, in jest, but that's about it. It more results in a situation where when one is not around, the other will watch the movie they know the other wouldn't want to see. Or when we're in the car together and something comes up on my ipod that Eagan doesn't like, he just changes the song (and I don't mind). Here are some of our differences:

Musicals. I like musicals. I'm not one of those people that love all things musicals and have seen every single musical. Far from it. But I did watch a lot of musical movies when I was growing up (some of my favorite movies as a little kid were Grease, Sound of Music, and the Wizard of Oz). My aunt is a choir director and singer and she exposed me to a lot of different musicals when we would visit her. Furthermore, I took piano lessons when I was a kid and my teacher would often assign me sheet music from musicals and I fell in love with some of the songs (songs from Les Miserables are really coming to mind). Since I grew up with musicals and was exposed to them by an aunt I was very fond of, I have a special place in my heart for them. Eagan didn't really grow up with the same exposure.

Also, Eagan is opposed to the idea of musicals. I'm not turned off by actors suddenly breaking out into song and dance -- I actually like that -- but that's a deal breaker for him. I get super excited when Sound of Music is on TV, while Eagan groans. This also translates into my love for the TV show Glee, which is not Eagan's thing. He agrees the show is funny and has smart writing, but the singing and dancing does him in (which is pretty much the whole show).

Speaking of dancing, I love So You Think You Can Dance. Like with a passion. Eagan doesn't care for it.

Another reality show I like that Eagan doesn't watch is The Biggest Loser. Eagan thinks it's funny/cute how much that show makes me cry (it seems like just about every episode makes me cry. Once Jillian corners them outside the gym to talk about their feelings, look out tear ducts!). Though one thing is for sure, Eagan loves the theme song! He does a really funny over-the-top impersonation of that terrible song ("What have you done today to make you feel proud...").

Another reality show is Survivor. Although he doesn't watch that show, he pretty much watches it because I say stuff to him like, "Oh my god, you will not believe what just happened on Survivor!!" and then I proceed to describe the whole hour of the show. So although he doesn't watch a single episode, he knows who's still in the game, what strategies they've played, and who I want to win. Like he knew Russell didn't deserve to win because he doesn't have a good social game -- and that's a huge part of winning Survivor (!).

Eagan pretty much doesn't watch reality shows. Luckily for him, the above shows are pretty much the only ones I watch. The other reality shows I watch, Eagan actually watches with me and likes -- Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, Top Chef, and Project Runway (though the past 2 seasons were kind of boring and we didn't really watch consistently).

Another point of departure is 80s movie (some would say 80s girl movies). For example, Dirty Dancing and John Hughes's Molly Ringwald Trifecta (Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, Pretty in Pink). I could watch that shit over and over and over again, much to Eagan's dismay. I think Eagan would admit these are decent movies and that there are some merits -- but these aren't movies he loves to watch or would watch on his own accord. Although I did in fact convince him to go with me and a friend to see the 20th Anniversary screening of Dirty Dancing in the theatre! But I think he was more going for the interesting/crazy experience than for the movie itself.

And then there's the sentimental-crying-movies-about-women. Eagan actually doesn't mind these as much -- he acknowledges that Steel Magnolias, Beaches, Terms of Endearment, Boys on the Side, etc. are good movies (though, some more than others). But, like the 80s movies, these aren't movies he's dying to watch (no pun intended!!!). As for me, I cannot tell you how many times I've seen these movies. Especially Steel Magnolias. I first saw it when I was about 4 (I saw it at my Southern aunt's house) and I've loved it ever since. I pretty much have the dialogue from that movie memorized. Despite the number of times I see these movies, they always get me. I'm drenched in tears by the end of the film. I cry until it hurts ("It hurts! The bee stings!" -- That's another good crying movie).

Speaking of Steel Magnolias, I have a deep love for Dolly Parton. I've loved Dolly ever since I was a little girl. Both of my parents love Dolly's music, so I grew up listening to Dolly records. One of my favorite records as a kid was Trio -- a supergroup, if you will, consisting of Dolly Parton, Emmylou Harris, and Linda Ronstadt. My parents loved all three singers, and often played their records, so I grew up listening to and loving all three. So when those three came together? Daaammn. Listening to Dolly music was a huge part of my childhood.

In addition, me and my siblings pretty much watched anything Dolly was in. We absolutely loved Steel Magnolias, Smoky Mountain Christmas (that's another one of those movies that I've seen so many times that I've lost track), 9 to 5, and Straight Talk. I even remember loving this Dolly Parton TV special where she went to Hawaii. Dolly could do no wrong. Unfortunately, Eagan doesn't share that same love for Dolly. I think I just have to live with the fact that very few people share the same deep love I have for Dolly.

And then on the other side, there are certain things Eagan enjoys that I don't care for as much. For example, there are certain sci-fi or horror movies that Eagan admits look terrible, and he would never see them in a theatre or rent them (in other words, wouldn't pay to see them)...but if they're on TV one lazy Saturday, he'll watch them. Now I've never seen these movies, so I can't say for sure -- they could actually be amazing (...) -- but they look pretty bad in my opinion. I'm talking about movies like 13 Ghosts (oh, I meant, Thir13en Ghosts. My bad.), Resident Evil, The Core, 28 Weeks Later (I did like 28 Days Later). These are definitely not his top movie choices -- it's more like one of those situations where you find yourself at the end of the moving saying "wow, I actually watched that whole thing." I don't find myself doing that too much. I usually watch with a purpose. If I stumble upon a movie on TV and I watch it, it's actually one I've seen before and like -- like 40 Year Old Virgin or Knocked Up, which TBS seems to play all the time. So we differ in our levels of tolerability when it comes to those so-bad-they're-almost-good-no-actually-they're-not-good-at-all sci-fi and horror movies on TV.

Another thing we don't have in common is Star Trek: The Next Generation. Eagan liked the show as a kid, but it seems like his love for TNG really started to blossom in college. A philosophy professor of his played an episode in class to discuss the issue of cyborgs and humanity (I think?). Anyway, after that, Eagan realized the show had some smart writing. Then his love really took off in grad school. Some channel, maybe Spike, seemed to play TNG episodes all day, every day. He would turn on the TV when he took a break from stressful grad school work and the show was always on. And then he was hooked. I would be in the other room working on something and I would hear the faint hum of the TNG theme song playing in the other room, and I would say jokingly, "Eagan! What did I catch you doing?!" When I go out of town, Eagan puts TNG episodes at the top of our Netflix queue.

The other day I read Eagan a comment I saw online, one person said something like "Let's start a nerd fight. Fact: The Millennium Falcon is a better ship than the Starship Enterprise." And Eagan quickly retorted with disgust, "NO WAY!!" and proceeded to go into the technical specifics of why the Starship Enterprise was better. I got very concerned, while at the same time being very impressed. He concluded his argument with something along the lines of: "I'm not saying the Enterprise is better than the Millennium Falcon, just that in a direct fight the Enterprise would win. I have no doubt the MF would be better for smuggling, running a blockade, or any number of tasks. But the crew of the Enterprise is in the thousands, whereas the crew for the MF would be less than ten, maximum. "

vs.

I've never really seen a whole episode of TNG. I think it's because TV shows set in space just don't seem to pique my interest (haha. Great answer!). I wouldn't say sci-fi/fantasy is Eagan's favorite genre, but I think he has more appreciation for it than I do. I do like some sci-fi/fantasy stuff, I just tend to not give that genre much of a chance ('What? It's in space? Takes place in the future? Has futuristic weapons? No, thanks.'). For example, I love the Star Wars movies, but didn't see any of the movies until I was almost in college -- because I never gave it a chance. In fact, my family even owned a copy of Star Wars: A New Hope. My brother checked out that movie from our local library in Connecticut, then my family misplaced it like they always do, and then we moved to Utah. Then when we were unpacking the boxes in Utah, there it was. So we had "Star Wars: A New Hope (Property of the North Haven Public Library)" in our collection for years and years, and yet I still never saw it. So could it be that I would like TNG if I gave it a chance? Possibly. But, then again, it does takes place in space...