John Hodgman on Bookstores

I love John Hodgman. (Not liking the facial hair, though).


Jon Stewart: There's stuff bookstores can do, that the internet can't.

John Hodgman:  Oh, you mean like shelter the homeless?
...

Jon Stewart: What about the human element? Bookstores build a personal relationship with their customers you simply cannot get from a computer. There are employee interactions, employee recommendations.

John Hodgman: Oh, yes. Yes, thank you. Employee picks. Thank you, pudgy neck beard counter guy for cluing me in to Philip K. Dick. Again. What's the matter, are you sold out of Confederacy of Dunces this week? Ha ha! Up high, Jon! Literature slam! I got him!
But you do raise a good point, Jon. Bookstores employ a very special class of condescending nerds. These are the types that used to work at video stores before they went under.

JS: Where were they before that?

JH: Record stores, obviously. It's been a tough couple of years for condescending nerds. And if bookstores fall, Jon, America will be inundated with a wandering, snarky underclass of unemployable purveyors of useless and arcane esoterica.

JS: I'm not sure I understand.

JH: No. Well, *you* wouldn't.

JS: You seem to hate bookstore employees.

JH: Oh, I loathe them, Jon. They shunt my books under humor, Jon. Not witticism, as I asked. I ask you, do I look like Marmaduke to you?

The Daily Show - Borders Goes Out of Business

Let Me Count the Ways

In a recent interview with Entourage creator Doug Ellin, Tina Fey was brought up:

Did you read Tina Fey's anecdote in her book Bossypants, about pumping breast milk to episodes of Entourage?

Tina had a great line to me and [Entourage producer] Rob Weiss at the Emmys four years ago. We were like, "You're just gonna beat us every year, huh?" And she looked at us deadpan and said, "Yeah, but I'm sure you guys get more pussy than I do."

Oh No He Didn't!

Here is a funny unaired sketch from this past week's Saturday Night Live episode with Tina Fey.

It's pretty "Oh snap!"

I Heart Amy Poehler

Amy Poehler made the Time 100 list this year (yes! She is brilliant and funny and smart and totally deserved to be on this list. She's listed alongside the likes of Aung San Suu Kyi, Joseph Stiglitz, Michelle Obama, Geoffrey Canada, Matthew Weiner, Jennifer Egan, the CEO of Netflix...and Justin Bieber?!).

At the Time 100 Gala Amy gave this wonderful speech:

(She was introduced by Time executive editor Jim Frederick; and her speech followed the one given by preacher Rob Bell).

Well, when I met Jim five minutes ago, I told him, "Move over! I'm a righty. And don't let me follow a preacher." Thanks for nothing, Jim. When Seth Meyers from Saturday Night Live and I hosted this awards show in 2008, I remember thinking it would be really nice if we were to make this list together. And tonight, I am happy to say that it is just as sweet making the list without him.
I have so much influence. I am lousy with influence. I am what you call a connector. Bruno Mars is not here, but if he was, he would meet Aziz Ansari tonight, because I would introduce them. Chris Colfer, have you ever met Martha Stewart? Because I can make that happen. Jonathan Franzen and Patti Smith are sitting at the same table. I know that because I'm on the list. If you shook my hand tonight, you might not want to drive home because you might be pulled over for a DUI.
But tonight, I'm genuinely very humbled and honored to be part of this evening, so I would like to take my remaining minute to um...I have thought very hard and long about what has influenced me over the past couple of years. Since I have been at this dinner in 2008, I have given birth to two boys, and I've left Saturday Night Live, and I started my own TV show; and it's been a crazy couple of years. And I thought who besides Madam Secretary Clinton and Lorne Michaels have influenced me? And it was the women who helped me take care of my children. It is Jackie Johnson from Trinidad and it is Dal [couldn't make out last name] from Tibet, who come to my house and help me raise my children. And for you working women who are out there tonight who get to do what you get to do because there are wonderful people who help you at home... I would like to take a moment to thank those people, some of whom are watching their children right now, while you're at this event. Those are people who love your children as much as you do, and who inspire them and influence them. And on behalf of every sister and mother and person who stands in your kitchen and helps you love your child, I say thank you and I celebrate you tonight.

Funny and heartfelt. I love the last part of her speech -- it's great she acknowledges all the "backstage support" she gets from her hired help, and how important of a role they have in her and her children's lives. I love that Amy Poehler.

I (Still) Heart Tina Fey

Alec Baldwin was honored by the Museum of the Moving Image, and Tina Fey gave a speech on his behalf. I love the story she told about how they got Alec Baldwin to do 30 Rock:

The part of Jack Donaghy was written for Alec Baldwin. Unfortunately, I did not have the courage to introduce myself to him and tell him that at the time, so for several months I met with some of the best actors in New York, and also some that are only okay. And with each meeting I had in an attempt to cast Jack Donaghy, it just became clearer and clearer that this part was for no one except Alec Baldwin. And so I knew what I had to do: I got pregnant and I stalled for a year. And then when I came back from my maternity leave at SNL, Alec was hosting the show, and he was having fun with it that week and the sketches were not terrible, thankfully, and so Lorne and I said to each other, "Should we ask him? Maybe we should just ask him." And so, I hid and Lorne asked him, and here we are five years and almost a hundred dollars later.

In addition, Tina Fey wrote a great article called "Confessions of a Juggler" for The New Yorker about the challenges of being a working mother -- and how other people perceive working mothers. It was a very funny and emotionally honest piece.  As Tina said, "It is less dangerous to draw a cartoon of Allah French-kissing Uncle Sam -- which, let me make it very clear, I have not done -- than it is to speak honestly about this topic."

Tina said the rudest question you can ask a woman is "How do you juggle it all? (she said that when people ask that, their accusatory eyes say, 'You're screwing it all up, aren't you?'). The second is "Are you going to have more kids?" She explains, "Especially to a woman like me, who is in her 'last five minutes.' By that I mean my last five minutes of being famous is timing out to be simultaneous with my last five minutes of being able to have a baby. Science shows that fertility and movie offers drop off steeply for women after forty."

She continues:

Shouldn't I seize the opportunity to make a few more movies in the next few years? Think of the movies I could make!
"Magazine Lady": The story of an overworked woman looking for love, whose less attractive friend's mean boss is played by me...when Bebe Neuwirth turns the part down.
"The Wedding Creeper": An overworked woman looking for love sneaks into weddings and wishes strangers well on their wedding video, only to fall in love with a handsome videographer (Gerard Butler or a coatrack with a leather jacket on it)...
Next, a strategically chosen small part in a respectable indie dramedysemble called "Disregarding Joy," in which I play a lesbian therapist who unexpectedly cries during her partner's nephew's bris. Roger Ebert will praise my performance, saying I was "brave" to grow that little mustache.
...How could I pass up those opportunities? Do I even have the right to deprive moviegoers of those experiences? These are the baby-versus-work life questions that keep me up at night. There's another great movie idea! "Baby Versus Work": A hardworking baby looking for love (Kate Hudson) falls for a handsome pile of papers (Hugh Grant). I would play the ghost of a Victorian poetess who anachronistically tells Kate to "go for it."

I also love what she had to say about women in Hollywood/comedy:

I have observed that women, at least in comedy, are labelled "crazy" after a certain age...I know older men in comedy who can barely feed and clean themselves, and they still work. The women, though, they're all "crazy." I have a suspicion -- and hear me out, because this is a rough one -- that the definition of "crazy" in show business is a woman who keeps talking even after no one wants to fuck her anymore. The only person I can think of who has escaped the "crazy" moniker is Betty White, which, obviously, is because people still want to have sex with her. [My emphasis added]
This is the infuriating thing that dawns on you one day: even if you would never sleep with or even flirt with anyone to get ahead, you are being sexually adjudicated. Network executives really do say things like "I don't know. I don't want to fuck anybody on this show." (To any exec who has ever said that about me, I would hope that you would at least have the self-awareness to know that the feeling is extremely mutual.)
It seems to me the fastest remedy for this "women are crazy" situation is for more women to become producers and hire diverse women of various ages. That is why I feel obligated to stay in the business and try hard to get to a place where I can create opportunities for others, and that's why I can't possibly take time off for a second baby, unless I do, in which case that is nobody's business and I'll never regret it for a moment until it ruins my life.

Finally, some stray quotes I liked:

Now, I'm not really one for status symbols. I went to public school. I have all my original teeth and face parts. Left to my own devices, I dress like I'm here to service your aquarium.

Having worked at such a toy store, I found this description hilarious:

...local toy store that sells the kind of beautiful wooden educational toys that kids love (if there are absolutely no other toys around and they have never seen television).

Late Night Ice Cream Battle

"Yeah, well your ice cream is like a Jimmy Fallon SNL sketch, halfway through you break down laughing and you can't finish it." - Colbert

Adorable

Look at this picture of a young Stephen Colbert!

It looks like he should have an acoustic guitar strapped around his chest, performing for young children sitting Indian-style on a carpet (I realize "Indian-style" is probably not a very politically-correct term, but what's another way of referring to that sitting position? I tend to rely on childish descriptor words/phrases. I'm the girl that still refers to folding paper "hotdog" or "hamburger" style). That look just screams PBS kids show in the 70s/early 80s.  I love it.

PBS, How Could You?

During the PBS broadcast of the Mark Twain Prize, part of Tina Fey's acceptance speech was cut out. PBS says it was due to time, but suspiciously (and unfortunately) they cut out the "controversial" part of her speech.

In her acceptance speech, Tina said that she has to also thank Sarah Palin for helping her get the award. She said, "My partial resemblance and her crazy voice are the two luckiest things that ever happened to me." And then here's some of the good stuff that got cut out:

"And, you know, politics aside, the success of Sarah Palin and women like her is good for all women -- except, of course, those who will end up, you know, like paying for their own rape kid and stuff. But for everybody else, it's a win-win. Unless you're a gay woman who wants to marry your partner of 20 years -- whatever. But for most women, the success of conservative women is good for all of us. Unless you believe in evolution. You know, actually, I take it back. The whole thing's a disaster."

Jon Hamm is Super, Man

Jon Hamm was a guest on Conan last night, and it was a really great interview. It was really funny, and Jon and Conan had a great back-and-forth.

I loved when they started talking about the rumor that Jon Hamm might play Superman.

Conan: You know, I keep hearing a rumor, which is they say there's going to be a new Superman movie and your name keeps coming up. Which I thought you'd make a great superman.
Jon: Everyone wants to see a middle-aged Superman.With the power of handicap parking...mall walking.
Conan: Haha! A Superman who is struggling with some issues. Sure, what's wrong with that?
Jon: A Superman that had to buy a fast car.
Conan: Haha! That makes no sense.
Jon: Dated a younger woman to make him feel alive.
Conan: I like that he's Superman, and he has to get a Porsche. You know? He can fly to Mars in a second, but he needs a car that can go 80 mph on the freeway.
Jon: Well, you know, he doesn't really feel all that good about himself. He hit a certain age. He's not so super anymore. There's a bunch of super kids everywhere, taking his super publicity.
Conan: You can't put "super" in front of any word.
Jon: You super certainly can

Here's the full interview (Superman discussion starts at about 6:30):

Jimmy Fallon

I enjoyed this New York Magazine piece on Jimmy Fallon. The article focuses on how Jimmy Fallon distinguishes himself from the other late night hosts because he's very laid back and just likes to have fun on his show:

Fallon's best segments are upbeat and rarely have targets, let alone victims. Jay Leno, by contrast, is known as the "nice guy" of late night, but even a signature bit like "Jaywalking" revolves around asking normal people questions, then chuckling at their dumb responses. David Letterman is late night's crotchety truth-teller, and he perpetually looks like he might walk off his own show in disgust. Fallon's biggest hit so far came when he staged a number with Justin Timberlake in which they performed a medley tracing the history of rap, starting with the Sugarhill Gang and ending with them bum-rushing the audience to "Empire State of Mind." There wasn't even a real joke at its heart (whereas on Conan, the same bit might center on "Isn't it funny that dorky white Conan is rapping?"). But the clip earned over a million views online.

Fallon's feel-good-jamboree approach might sound fusty and old-fashioned, but it's actually a very modern antidote to free-form irony. "Our research has told us that young viewers respond less to angry comedy," says Brent Haynes, the senior vice-president of comedy and animation at MTV, which recently hosted Fallon on the teen-oriented game show Silent Library. "These viewers don't have a strong sense of rebellion, because they're generally happy with their lives. So their comedy is more about surprise and randomness. And Jimmy's a very hopeful guy. He doesn't have a 'That's fucked' attitude. It's more of a 'That's silly' attitude." If other late-night shows echo the snarkier outposts of the Internet, Fallon's smartly plugged into the Internet's more earnest side: the part where fans flock to gab about last night's Glee or watch videos of adorable puppies.

"I'm on so late I'm definitely the last seconds of anyone's attention," says Fallon. "So I just want to give them something dumb to laugh at, so they go, 'That's funny,' then fall asleep."

I don't watch a whole lot of late night talk shows; and when I do, I don't watch too much of Fallon's show. Though, as mentioned in the article, I sometimes see funny bits from his show the next day online (which doesn't really help his ratings, I know). I think he does good stuff, and I do think he has an interesting approach to late night. It does seem like he's doing the show simply for him and his friends involved with the show. It really does look like he's just having fun, and that's refreshing.

Speaking of Jimmy Fallon, remember that Pepsi commercial he did with Parker Posey? I loved that.

I Heart Tina Fey

Tina Fey will be awarded the Mark Twain Prize for Humor tonight at The Kennedy Center in DC. She is the youngest recipient of this award (and the third woman to receive it).

When Tina was first announced as the winner in May, she responded with her classical self-deprecating wit:

"I assume Betty White was disqualified for steroid use."

Amazing mosaic by Jason Mecier

The Washington Post has an interview with her, if you want to check it out. Here's what Tina had to say about winning the Mark Twain Prize, "I keep trying to resist the urge to talk them out of it or apologize for it, because it certainly seems strange to me."

Tina winning the prize is much deserved and I'm looking forward to seeing the ceremony when it's televised.

Hecklers

Recently, the comedian Michael Ian Black was doing a show in Columbus, Ohio and he was talking about how much he liked Obama. This resulted in some scattered boos. Then somebody yelled out "Heil Hitler!" Michael was taken aback by the comment and then asked the man what he meant by that (hoping there guy was trying to be ironic or funny in some weird way). The heckler said, "Because when you say you like Obama, that's the same thing to me as 'Heil Hitler.'" So Michael responds, "Sir, I say this with all due respect -- you are a fucking moron."

And then Michael got really worked up and started screaming at the guy. Saying things like "How dare you compare Hitler to Obama or any president? How dare you equate what he did to what Obama is doing? Do you have any idea how insulting that is? Do you know anything about history? Do you have any idea what Hitler did? He killed six million of my people, which is six million more than Obama has killed." Then Michael started calling him a fucking idiot, a fucking moron, and that he's the problem with this fucking country. And he basically started yelling fuck at the guy. Then the heckler got up and left.

In the aftermath, Michael says he feels bad for how he reacted because his response was immature. He said, "I could have made my point a million different ways without screaming into a microphone in a room filled with drunk people. I wasn't clever, I wasn't thoughtful, I said nothing that would move the conversation forward." I thought Michael's response was definitely appropriate. A statement like that definitely brings about an emotional, angry response. It's hard to deliver a rational, calm retort to a statement like that and to a person that makes statements like that. Even still, I thought what Michael initially said was rational and does move the conversation forward. Michael pointed out that it's absurd to compare someone like Hitler -- and all the atrocities he committed -- to Barack Obama; that this heckler is doing a great disservice to history; and that you can't treat a statement like that as if it's a buzz word -- there's actual meaning behind what you say. As for Michael screaming "fuck" at the heckler? That served a purpose too because it probably embarrassed the heckler. And he should be embarrassed.

---

This got me thinking about other comedian hecklers. On the FX show Louie -- written by, directed by, and featuring the comedian Louis C.K. -- there was an episode that brought up hecklers. Louis was doing a set and there was a lady in the audience that kept talking loudly to her friends. She also would interrupt his set and try to make jokes herself. Louis then makes fun of her during his set. Afterwards, the lady approaches him outside the club and said that was really mean and unfair of him. I love how Louis responds to her. He says, "Most people would never do that. Most people are polite and they'd rather cut off their hand then hurt a show by talking. That's what...a good person wouldn't do that. So you must be a bad person."

She then says, "I know I'm a good person. And you have no right to talk to me like that."

Louis says, "Actually I do. That's the whole thing. That's how that room works. I have a right to talk. I'm actually paid to talk in there. And to say stuff and people laugh. You're not supposed to say anything. It's a show. "

She goes on to defend her talking and says that's what people do and he has to learn to put up with it.

Louis says, "Let me ask you a question. Do you like your life?"

"Yes. So?"

"I'm sure you do. You're a student. You're happy. You have good days and you have full and fun nights. Right?"

"Yes, I'm not a loser like you."

"Yes, see that's the whole point. You have a good life and it's just the way you want it to be. These guys -- comedians, me -- these guys don't have a life. This is all they have. Their days are shit. They don't have many friends, they don't have families; they have this. The only good part of their lives is the 15 minutes they get to be on stage, maybe once a week. Sometimes once a month. And you took that 15 minutes...the one 15 minutes that they would have had, that they would have enjoyed maybe for a long time. And you ruined it. You took that away from them. I know you think it's cute, but it's not. It's really...it's a rotten thing to do. And I don't know how you can think you're a good person if you do things like that. Honestly, I think you should be ashamed of yourself. I really do."

Brilliant.

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Speaking of brilliant, I also love what Patton Oswalt said to a heckler once:

"You're going to miss everything cool and die angry."