Kids These Days Have It So Easy: A Series

Back in my day one of the only computer games we had was Oregon Trail. And the graphics were mind-blowing.

Kids These Days Have It So Easy: A Series

Back in my day we had to peel off the sides of printer paper.

Deep Thinking

One reason I would never want to play tennis professionally is that there are way too many times cameras capture you making a "I just shit my pants!" face. Of course you didn't really (most likely), but that's definitely what the face says.

(Even more so, if you click the larger image)

The Hipster's Worst Nightmare: Target

I just read a pretty ridiculous article/editorial in the Washington Post. It was about how Columbia Heights, a neighborhood in DC that a lot of hipsters live in, is losing it's hipster-cred by getting a Target. I can only hope it's satire, but sadly, I don't think it is.

The first line of the article and the author is already throwing around terms like "hipster", "post-hipster", and "quasi-hipster". God, I hate her already.

In the article she describes Columbia Heights "pre-Target" and "post-Target". As if time should now be measured by this epochal event, right up there with the life of Jesus. Pre-Target Columbia Heights was THE place to be seen. Hipsters were attracted to this neighborhood because of the "bragging rights" that comes with living in a "gritty", "edgy", "urban" area with "semi-permanent police cars" that monitor the "muggings and shootings that still happen in broad daylight" (though I wouldn't be surprised if these same hipsters crossed the street upon seeing a black person).

She talked about how pre-Target hipsters would rent a zipcar and make a special (secret) odyssey (that only occurs every four months) to go down to Target to gets things all hipsters need, like "microsuede storage benches" and "duvets". But they did this "ironically".

"Along the way, you talked about how glad you were that you didn't live down there, and how ironic it was for you to be going there at all ... And on the way home you stopped at Outback Steakhouse (which was totally hilarious), and in polite company you never spoke of these suburban adventures again." (Original emphasis)

Oh the hipster lifestyle, selling your soul for a $30 duvet and a blooming onion. Have you no shame.

The author goes on to say Target was "amusing", just as long as it's not in their backyard. She actually says "NIMBY" (not in my backyard). As if hipsters not wanting a Target in their neighborhood because it would ruin their 'street cred' is along the same lines of neighborhoods and communities organizing and rallying together to prevent something like a freeway being built through their neighborhood.

She argues, "The problem with a Target is that it can lead to other nefarious pursuits. It's a gateway drug to other suburban activities." (Yes, she really did say gateway drug). She gives the example of hipsters that actually ate at -- I can barely type this out -- Ruby Tuesday's! There's one across from the Target. One hipster that ate at R.T.'s (as I like to call it) had his friends give him a really hard time about going to one and he actually felt the need to excuse his actions. Saying, "It was kind of a joke..." and that there was a group of people and they all were hungry and they just got done with an activity and wanted something fast...and did I mention they were all hungry?! And, most importantly, he said he won't go again. Wow. That is sad. Another hipster girl joked about how her and her friends "ironically" went to Ruby Tuesday's. Justifying it with "I don't know how we ended up there!"And they all thought it was "ironic and stupid" -- and they ironically and stupidly ordered food, ate it, and paid for it.

The author even blames Target for these hipsters' out-of-control consumerism and materialism. Acting as if the problem is the Target and not these (usually totally rich kid) hipsters. Or our society in general, for that matter. Our culture is all about conspicuous consumption and materialism. But the author acts like only Target is the problem, and pre-Target Columbia Heights was above consumerism. She gives the example of one hipster that goes to Target four times a week. Another hipster impulsively bought a flat screen TV at Best Buy. Another hipster wanders Target when she's bored, buying stuff she doesn't need. Two hipsters came out of Target with a cart full of stuff including a cat jungle gym; providing the quote, "If I had not been able to walk to the store, I would not have bought this." I don't think the problem is Target (or its proximity), I think the problem is these shopaholics that obviously need some serious help.

When the author makes statements like "[Target is] so awful. so convenient," I'm reminded of who this article is ignoring: The non-hipster majority that lives in this area (those who live in this area for non-trendy reasons). And this includes many families. They are probably quite happy to have a place like Target close by. They probably enjoy the convenience and low prices of a place like Target. Not too many of these residents probably rented zip cars (pre-Target) to go to Targets in the suburbs every four months like our hipster friends.

And don't the hipsters realize they're probably at least partly responsible for the Target coming? These hipsters with their expendable income (as is evident by the random shopping sprees when they're bored) and their college degrees. The mass exodus of hipsters to an area helps bring about the trendy clubs, bars, and restaurants. Next thing you know there's box stores. And then comes the healthy frozen yogurt places and $3 cupcakes. Now I realize young hipsters don't hold that much sway with development -- I wouldn't say they are single-handedly responsible for the Target -- but they definitely change the make-up of residents in Columbia Heights, which contributes to its commercial development.

To sum up the article, I have created the following list:

Hipster:

CVS

Deodorant locked up at the store

Dim lighting

Living in areas with crime

Zipcars

Cardboard boxes as toys for your pets

"Cracked, group-house, hand-me-down" dinner plates

A mis-matched bathroom

Graphic tees

Shaggy black haircut

Slim physique ("city-soft")

"Vintage-y dress"

Nose piercing

Square glasses

T-shirt as a pillowcase

Arts non-profit groups

Not Hipster:

Target

Neatly stocked aisles

Deodorants with fancy scents ("Lotus Glow" and "Valencia Mist")

Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Marshalls

Best Buy

Flat screen TVs

Humidifiers

Pleather sofas

Owning your own car

Big box stores

Convenience

Proximity

"Kitty Cities" or other cat jungle gyms that come in a box

Coordinating bathmat/shower-curtain combo

Matching sheets

Seasonal wreaths

Ruby Tuesday's

Wait, They're HOW Old?

I tend to underestimate people's age.

Alison Lohman

Age: 30.

The first two movie roles I saw her in she was portrayed as a 14 or 15 year old (Both White Oleander and Matchstick Men). I didn't think she was actually 14 or 15 in the movies (she was actually like 23!), but I just always think of her as being younger as a result of her movie roles. So I was surprised to learn that she'll be 30 in a September.

Jason Mraz

Age: 32. I thought he was like 25.

More to Love

Fox has a new show called More To Love. It's pretty much The Bachelor, but with *gasp* "regular" bodies. Voluptuous bodies. Curvy bodies. Full-figured bodies. Whatever you want to call it. I'm sure Fox thinks they're so progressive giving 'fat' people a chance on TV. And a chance at love! But this show is just wrong on so many levels.

First, it pretty much IS The Bachelor. It's from the creator of The Bachelor. It's a show about one guy and 20 girls getting the chance to win his love. Same premise. Probably the only thing missing will be the rose ceremony (they better not have a donut ceremony...to really drive home the fact that these people are FULL-FIGURED). So if it pretty much is The Bachelor, why don't they just call it that? Why does it have to have its own special name (its own kind-of-offensive name)? Would it somehow taint The Bachelor's name (ha, The Bachelor does that itself). Oh god, we can't have chubby people on The Bachelor!

[I realize it's on Fox and it has to have a different name than the ABC show...but why wasn't this just made into a new season of The Bachelor? Why is it something separate?]

Related to that, if they were so progressive they would already be incorporating all body-types in The Bachelor and The Bachelorette shows (and other shows for that matter). Why don't we see more 'real' bodies on The Bachelor(ette)? The only way to see a body larger than a size two requires it's own special fat-themed show -- and that's pretty pathetic.

And why do the two body types have to be kept separate? The Bachelor and The Bachelorette pretty much just have skinny people. And More to Love appears to have all fuller-sized people. As if that's the only dating dynamic: skinny people dating skinny people. And fuller-sized people dating fuller-sized people. Why doesn't The Bachelor/Bachelorette have skinny people trying to win the love of a chubbier Bachelor(ette)? Why doesn't More to Love have a skinny bachelor looking for love among fuller-figured women? It'd be even better if there's actual diversity on these shows (i.e., a whole hodge-podge of body sizes. Even "medium" sized people). And that the premise is finding love (at least on paper...) and body type has nothing to do with it.

So while this More to Love/Fox thinks they're being progressive and doing a favor for chubbier people, they're not really. The mentality is still the same. There's still sizism. There's still a line drawn between chubbier people and skinnier people -- with their separate but equal dating shows.

The only positive of the show is that they ARE showing 'real' bodies on TV. And I imagine there will be girls on this show that will be interesting/nice/have great personalities. And maybe they'll be inspirational or role models to some people looking for a positive representation of someone their size on TV. But it's sad it has to take a 'special themed' show to have 'real' bodies on TV.

And Fox has these commercials for More to Love where they mention that "regular" bodies are rarely shown on TV. And that it's hard to find bodies over size 2 on TV. They lay on this faux-disgust. But, after this show, are they going to change their ways? Are they going to incorporate all body types (and more typical body types) on their shows now? Most likely, no.

Michael Bay is an Asshole

Man, Michael Bay is an asshole.

He has directed such wonderful works of cinema such as the first and second Transformers, Armageddon, Pearl Harbor...I'll stop there. I never really thought about him much, natch (see above list). But lately, I keep hearing about total asshole things that he's saying.

Megan Fox made a comment about how the Transformers movies are not about acting:

"Working with Michael Bay is not about an acting experience...I don't want to blow smoke up people's ass. People are well aware that this is not a movie about acting. And once you realize that, it becomes almost fun because you can be in the moment and go, 'All right, I know that when he calls Action! I'm either going to be running or screaming, or both."

Can you say the girl is wrong? She's even willing to insult herself to make that statement.

And then comes Michael Bay's response:

"Well, that’s Megan Fox for you. She says some very ridiculous things because she’s 23 years old and she still has a lot of growing to do. You roll your eyes when you see statements like that and think, “Okay Megan, you can do whatever you want. I got it.” But I 100% disagree with her. Nick Cage wasn’t a big actor when I cast him, nor was Ben Affleck before I put him in Armageddon. Shia LaBeouf wasn’t a big movie star before he did Transformers—and then he exploded. Not to mention Will Smith and Martin Lawrence, from Bad Boys. Nobody in the world knew about Megan Fox until I found her and put her in Transformers. I like to think that I’ve had some luck in building actors’ careers with my films."

Wow. First, I can't believe he's so hyper-defensive about the acting (or lack thereof) in THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIES! What next? Is he going to complain about how they were robbed for being shut out of the Oscar nominations?!? Second, he single-handedly started all these celebrities' careers? And they would be nothing without him? Wow. Just wow.

I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt