All You Needed To Know About DC

A local DC blogger pointed out a link to a Maine Tea Party website that is offering helpful tips if you happen to be coming to DC for the Glenn Beck/Sarah Palin rally this weekend. And I could not stop laughing at this helpful guide:

The author gives tips for restaurants in the area -- including restaurants in the Dupont Circle neighborhood, which he affectionately calls "Dupont Circle, gay area."

He also posts a link to a website in which a "Libertarianish Virginia economics professor extensively explores and reviews restaurants, especially Northern Virginia Asian fare." Because you just can't trust restaurant reviews from anyone on the non-Libertarianish scale. And is Asian fare particularly Libertarian friendly or something?

The author then writes:

DC's population includes refugees from every country, as the families of embassy staffs of third world countries tend to stay in DC whenever a revolution in their homeland means that anyone in their family would be in danger if they went back.

So you should assume that anyone living in DC that is originally from another country is a refugee. And the refugee policy in the US is that you are only grated asylum if you are the family member of someone that works at an embassy.

Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country (e.g., Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia) with whom they may have political or military tensions. It's rare to meet anyone who gets really offended, but you can still be aware of the issue.

First, for best results one should avoid Bread & Chocolate, local coffee shops (hell, pretty much just waiters in general), and taxis. Got it.

Second, I assume the man is speaking from experience when he says these African immigrants do not like it when people assume they're African American. Which I assume means he has expressed that assumption verbally. Does the author of this piece have a history of seeing a black person and saying something like "Look kids! It's an African American!" or "Are you one of those African Americans?" or "Are you proud to be an African American?" or "As an African American, what do you think about..."?

Third, a lot of these Tea Party types think all people from Latin America are Mexican. So I can't imagine too many are asking these African immigrants, "You definitely look like you're from Eritrea. Are you?" I doubt they could discern the physical features enough to recognize that this African immigrant is even from the Horn of Africa -- let alone pinpointing a single country. And how many of these Tea Party types have even heard of Eritrea? Or know that it's an African country? [Hell, how many 'regular' Americans even know Eritrea is an African country?] I would imagine a more accurate encounter would be "Oh you're from Africa?! Are you related to Shaka Zulu? Do you know Nelson Mandela? Have you ever seen elephants before?"

Then the author goes on to list a bunch of areas in DC that people should NOT go to because it's unsafe. This is pretty detailed and is probably only funny to people that live in DC and know the neighborhoods and streets well -- but the basic gist of it is that he pretty much says everywhere but the western part of Northwest DC and Northern Virginia is unsafe. Which is ridiculous. And he says to pretty much avoid the Green and Yellow metro lines completely (even in the day time)! This assertion is even more ridiculous. He says the only places you're safe to be on foot, in a cab, or on a bus is one neighborhood in Maryland, five neighborhoods in Virginia (and they even specify northern Arlington. As if southern Arlington is a ghetto because it has fewer Crate & Barrel stores...), only 14th and 16th street in NW DC, and only the 7 blocks near the Capitol. Then they say at the end "Or stay on the Mall and at the various monuments." Haha.

Avoid the Green and Yellow Lines of Death

Alright! My neighborhood got a shout-out as a "lovely place". But he says that visitors won't know where they are [I guess because I don't live on the Mall?], and so they cannot go unless the author goes with them. (Plus, good luck getting to my neighborhood considering the author said they shouldn't ride the metro north of Union Station!).

He also listed other "bad places". These are the places where Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Robert Bauer/Anita Dunn, and Tom Daschle live. And he lists their addresses (!!) and encourages people to protest there. Wow.

Crushworthy

What else is the internet there for but to let people know what you're doing; where you're at; and what you're listening to, watching, and reading. So to keep up with this self-important adventure of letting you know all about me, I'll be running a series on my celebrity crushes. I'll post one of my male and female celebrity crushes each entry (because I'm progressive like that). Some of these crushes are purely physical (i.e., I think they're good-looking, but I wouldn't want to actually be in relationship with them); while others I would totally want to be their significant other, and live with them, and have none of their babies. So there are varying levels of crushworthiness -- from major crush to small crush (i.e., sometimes I find them attractive, sometimes I don't). It should be noted that some of my crushes I find attractive because of some aspect of their personality/talent, but I don't know if I would necessarily find them all that attractive otherwise. Like Conan O'Brien. If I just saw that guy on the street...eh (actually, if I saw him on the street it would be more like "Wow that guy is super tall" and then "eh"). But because I know who he is and I love his sense of humor and intelligence, I'm more inclined to be like "you know what...yeah, I'd get on board with that."

Here is the first Crushworthy segment:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

This man knows how to wear a vest, am I right or am I right? I actually had a crush on him when I was younger, too (See: Angels in the Outfield, 3rd Rock from the Sun, 10 Things I Hate About You). I was glad when he lost the long hair (the Willy Wiggins in Dazed & Confused hair. Time hasn't been as generous to Willy Wiggins as it has been to Joseph Gordon-Levitt...). If you don't have a crush on him, just watch his dance scene in (500) Days of Summer, and then you will.

Tina Fey

Tina is the complete package. Good-looking, smart, and ridiculously funny and witty. And, no, this doesn't mean I have something for Sarah Palin too.

This is What a Harsh Crackdown Looks Like?

It's no secret that Russians love their vodka. The president of Russia doesn't just wander the streets of DC in his underwear for fun -- he did it because he drank too much vodka (I'm speaking of that lovable teddybear Boris Yeltsin, of course). On average, Russians drink a liter and a half of pure alcohol every month (and that's per person).

As Russia's alcohol consumption continues to be a problem (half a million people die a year as a result), President Medvedev announced a war on alcohol last year and he ordered the government to come up with ways to reduce excessive drinking and to cut off black market alcohol. Here's some of the 'get tough' rules the government has come up with: Raising the minimum price of vodka to 89 roubles (about $3 USD...), planning on cutting sales at kiosks, and now city authorities in Moscow have just announced a ban on the sell of liquor (spirits) between 10 PM and 10 AM (though, I think establishments serving food are not affected...). Yevgeny Bryun,the Ministry of Health's chief specialist on alcohol and drug addiction, admitted that people could still drink a ton of vodka in the day and then turn to drinking beer late at night, "but overall, the alcohol burden will be lower." Ha!

The fact that these regulations are considered a crackdown is a pretty good indication of how much they love their vodka. 'Cracking down' means not having alcohol readily available everywhere they go, increasing the cost of vodka so that maybe now only penniless homeless people and small children without an allowance cannot afford it, and not allowing people to buy alcohol in the middle of the night/early in the morning (sorry 3 AM vodka runs). Tough times ahead.

James Cameron is an Asshole

In the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly there's an interview with James Cameron. And here's what he had to say about The Hurt Locker (the film directed by Kathryn Bigelow, his ex-wife, that beat out Avatar for Best Picture and Best Director, among others):

Entertainment Weekly: Would The Hurt Locker have been better in 3-D?

James Cameron: It would have been better in 3-D.

EW: You think so?

JC: Absolutely. It wouldn't have been hugely better in 3-D, but...[and then he rambles on about 3-D being the future of film].

Oh man, if only Kathryn would have had that foresight and wisdom, maybe then The Hurt Locker could have won Best Picture...oh....

EW: Were you surprised that The Hurt Locker beat Avatar for Best Picture and Director?

JC: [...] It was David and Goliath. The Goliath had made more than a couple of billion dollars and Hurt Locker had made about what it cost to shoot, about $15 million. The Academy always likes to be the great equalizer. But I don't begrudge her any of that. I couldn't think of a better outcome for our two lives. I got my Oscar. She got her Oscar.

Spoken like the modest, gracious man he is. It's like "I don't begrudge her. And why should I? If I laid out all my money on the ground, forming a path, it would stretch all the way around the world. Her money would only stretch to the Applebee's across the parking lot from the Best Western Inn that she and her Hurt Locker film crew stayed at. It would be downright criminal for me to begrudge that. People like to cheer for the underdog, the loser, the handicapped kid with no legs. And I'm not going to step in and say 'You know what, not only do I have both my legs, but they're also really fast legs. And we all know I would win in a race.' But I'll play along and smile uncomfortably when you give the handicapped kids with no legs the medal out of pity. That's just the kind of person I am. Plus, I have way more medals anyway."

I actually wrote the "I'm the king of the world" line into Titanic just so I could say it now and have it be even more poignant. You know, I have the same initials as Jesus Christ.

The interview also showed what a great activist he is. He talked about his work in helping the Achuar (an Amazonian tribe that is trying to keep oil companies from drilling on their land). I think he helped with a fundraiser. But definitely the greatest thing he could have ever done for them was he bussed a bunch of Achuar to watch Avatar at an IMAX theatre. It was their first time in a movie theatre. I'm sure that helped them a ton... And then he gets pissed when they don't agree with him:

JC: And when they came out [of the theatre], the BBC interviewed them. This one woman, a tribal elder, says, "In this movie, they solved their problems by fighting. We are not afraid to fight, but we have decided to try to solve our problems through dialogue. So this movie needs a better message."

EW: Ouch

JC: I felt like I'd been punk'd. But it made me think.

So, James Cameron feels punk'd when people disagree with the message of his movie?! That anytime someone disagrees with him, he's waiting for Ashton Kutcher and a film crew to bust out of the bushes and say this was orchestrated?! "Just kidding, dude! You know no one actually disagrees with you!" exclaims Ashton. Also, I'm not entirely sure that James realizes his film is a fictional movie...and that not all native people have to fight their battles physically because the Na'vi did...

Favorite Scenes: Moonlight Mile

Moonlight Mile (2002), to my understanding, wasn't a hugely popular film. I don't remember it even coming to theatres (at least where I lived at the time -- which isn't saying a lot). And the movie even had a pretty impressive cast with Dustin Hoffman, Susan Sarandon, and Holly Hunter. Also in the movie was Jake Gyllenhaal (when I only knew him as Donnie Darko, Bubbleboy [despite never seeing the movie], and Holden from The Good Girl) and Ellen Pompeo (before she was Dr. Grey and just simply known in my mind as "Hey, that girl kind of looks like Renee Zellwegger."). Despite the movie not getting much coverage or attention, I happened to stumble upon it. I was seeing another movie, and Moonlight Mile was one of the previews. The trailer actually made me cry. And I thought to myself, "I have to see that movie if the trailer made me cry."

I had completely forgotten about the movie until it came out on DVD and I saw it at the rental store. The plot of the movie is that Jake Gyllenhaal was engaged to Diana, the daughter of Susan Sarandon and Dustin Hoffman. Diana ends up being shot and killed during a robbery at a diner. We never actually meet Diana. The movie starts post-death, and it's about her family dealing with her loss. What I liked best about the movie was the interactions between Susan, Dustin, and Jake and how they dealt with the loss of Diana. The other parts of the movie I just didn't love as much. Like Jake eventually meets Ellen and they start to like each other -- that part of the movie just didn't do it for me. And there's also parts of the movie dealing with the trial (against the guy that shot Diana), which I also didn't care for as much. This movie, as whole, wouldn't exactly make my list of top movies, but there are great scenes in the movie (with great acting and great dialogue) that will always stay with me.

For me, the best thing about the movie was Susan Sarandon's character. I absolutely loved her (and Susan did an amazing job playing her. She really should have gotten more attention for her role). Her character was witty, funny, honest, and such a pisser. She has the best dialogue in the movie. I really liked how her character dealt with Diana's death. I think she dealt with the death and her feelings the most honestly. She talks about how sad she is that she is forgetting the details of her daughter, how it "stops [her] fucking heart" when she sees girls on the street that look like her daughter and at first she thinks it is her daughter, and how annoyed she is with her daughter's vulture friends that come to claim Diana's clothes soon after the funeral.

I love the scene after Diana's wake. Susan is in the living room and she has a stack of books next to her (books on grieving and loss. Titles like These Things Happen), and she begins throwing the books into the fireplace. Dustin, who is very polite and meek, says "Those were gifts!"

She holds up a book. "Grieving for Grown-Ups?" she says in an annoyed tone.

"They're supposed to be helpful."

She throws another book in the fire."Please. This is helpful."

She then begins to shit-talk with Jake about all the annoying neighbors and guests that came to the wake. She talked about one couple, "Oh I just wanted to smack them. They had those big dripping looks of sympathy. 'Oh, she was such an angel.' How would they know?! They met her once for two seconds and she was being a total brat that day." Dustin chimed in, "It's an awkward situation for them. Put yourself in their shoes."

"I don't want to put myself in their shoes. Why the hell should I? We are the ones that lost the girl for god's sake. Let them put themselves in our god damn shoes!"

Dustin then begins picking up dishes off the coffee table. Susan says, "Please stop. Stop cleaning up. Look, if we ever had an excuse for once to have our place look like shit, it's now. So just relish the opportunity. "

Another great scene with Susan is when Jake discovers Susan at her typewriter, madly typing away. Susan says to Jake, "The specifics are back." She had previously complained to Jake that she was forgetting the details about Diana. She had said, "I've been hearing so much shit lately, so much fluff, that I've started to lose sight of her already. And a phrase like 'filled with goodness' actually passed through my mind today." Cut to the scene where she's at the typewriter. She tells Jake, "I'm doing an accounting; the real her, the Diana facts." She pulls out the piece of paper from the typewriter and reads, "'Number 92: Laughed like a pig. Full-throated, nasal snorts.' I mean this is the stuff! Fuck the perfume, give me the warts!" She then asks Jake to give a Diana fact. He says, "Oh, those really ratty sandals she always loved to wear. They always made this incredible farting sound every time she moved." Susan replies, "Yes! Oh...yeah." She pauses, letting that memory sink in. She smiles at Jake, and then begins typing again.

Criterion Collection

I saw an advertisement recently for the upcoming release of the Criterion Collection edition of The Darjeeling Limited. And it reminded me how much I love the cover art for the other Wed Anderson films.

Artwork done by Eric Chase Anderson, Wes's brother:

Artwork done by Ian Dingman:

Objects

Oh my god, I want this suspension lamp. Vibeke Fonnesberg Schmidt constructed this lamp out of circular pieces of plywood. Unfortunately, it would cost me 190-230 euros. Damn.