Crushworthy

Ryan Gosling

I'm not really all that into "pretty boys". That's not to say I'm only digging on ugly or "quirky" people. But, I don't seem to like (in a physical way) those guys that 45-year-old mothers would also say is "a hunk". You know, like the Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise types. Or the types that play Thor and Captain America. I'm not a huge fan of big o'l muscles. I'm ok with toned muscles (i.e., you can see they do in fact have the trace of a muscle somewhere in there), but not POW! muscles that punch you in the face. Ok, this is already feeling too ridiculous and I feel like I'm at a middle school slumber party... With that said, I guess one of the few "pretty boys" that make my Crushworthy list is Ryan Gosling. And maybe his tendency to be in indie films (instead of movies where he's riding on a motorcycle alongside Vin Diesel) makes me like him more (despite those muscles). Before he was winning the hearts of pre-Alzheimer's ladies, he was doing an excellent job as a neo-nazi Jew! The Believer, United States of Leland, Half Nelson, Lars and the Real Girl, Blue Valentine...the guy picks some good movies.

I hereby present to you the evolution of Ryan Gosling:

I actually first developed a crush on Ryan when we were both kids. He was on the Mickey Mouse Club. He was part of the cohort that included Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, and Christina Aguilera. True, I did have more of a crush on Justin than Ryan, but I still had a crush on Ryan. I was boy craaaazy at that age!

I remember those vests...

Then he turned into a scrawny, wiry adolescent (don't we all?). He was on that Canadian show Breaker High where he played an annoying guy. He didn't really do much for me then.

Then I saw him in that movie Murder by Numbers, and he seemed more grown up. He was still a little thing, but his voice was lower and he exuded confidence and charm (as an egotistical teenager that murders people for fun...). Definitely more mature now. And my interest was a little piqued.

Then I saw The Believer and I thought, "Holy shit, where did those muscles come from?" At the time, he seemed so much more grown up in this movie...but looking back on the pictures (in comparison to what he looks like now) he still looks pretty young and not very muscular. But, trust me, at the time The Believer came out, it seemed like a big transformation.

Then when he was in The Notebook and I barely even recognized him. It was like a Barry Bonds transformation.

And then he just got so damn charming and daper.

Not exactly a dapper picture, but I posted it because he's so fucking cute with his dog. 

Oh yeah, did I mention Ryan's halloween-themed band, Dead Man's Bones?


But now he's in this most recent movie with Steve Carell, and he doesn't have a shirt, and he's way too muscular. Disapprove.

Megan Rapinoe

Ok, that Ryan Gosling one was long enough. Like stalker-level long enough. So I'll keep this short. Megan Rapinoe is soccer player on the U.S. Women's National Team. She is an amazing player and had a really great World Cup. She was the one that beautifully assisted Abby Wambach's goal in the 122nd minute against Brazil (in stoppage time of overtime). One of the greatest moments in soccer, in my opinion. She also took (and made) one of the penalty kicks in the shootout at the Brazil game. Soccer-playing abilities aside, she was also quite famous for her hair during the World Cup. And it is indeed quite awesome. Her fantastic soccer skills (yes, that's a turn on), her sense of humor, and her god damn cuteness factor makes her totally someone I would do.

I Heart Miranda July

I first fell for the lovely Miranda July when I saw the adorable, quirky movie, "Me, You, and Everyone We Know." She wrote it, directed it, and starred in it. In addition to movies, she's written essays and books; she's a performance artist; and she's also a musician.

The New York Times recently had a feature where they had celebrities discuss their favorite summer movies. I love the little essay Miranda July wrote:

I was 11 the summer I saw "A Room With a View." Too young for romance? Not at all, I was a very passionate 5-year-old, so by 11 I had already survived several romantic (if entirely fantastical) storms. But this was the first time anything had ever really happened. By really I mean I was really sitting there in the movie theater, I really saw it -- the kiss amid the cornflowers. And then I came stumbling out into the night, and walked silently between my parents, trying to imitate the child I'd been 90 minutes before and conceal my transformation into a woman in love. Not with anyone, not Julian Sands or Helena Bonham Carter -- just in it, drowning in it, love.
Obviously nothing normal could ever happen again. I wouldn't go to sixth grade in the fall. I doubted I'd even be living with my parents by then. I looked up at them wistfully. They would worry about me, but ultimately I knew they'd understand when they saw how mutual it was. Yes: I knew love loved me too, the way it held me in its thrall.
I got in the backseat of our car as a sentimental gesture, out of respect for the family we had once been. But as we got closer to home, I had a sinking premonition. I would go to sixth grade. I would probably even get caught up in it, and get excited about something provincial, like a purple backpack. My heart was exhausted; I pressed my head against the window and searched the night sky.
What was the point of anything now? And why would anyone make a movie that turns you against your own life? Damn "A Room With a View." I'd been so happy before, so innocent and satisfied. I'm still working through this, by the way; I've made very little progress over the last 26 years. And watching it again and again only seems to make it worse.

She also recently contributed a piece for Dossier, an arts magazine. They asked "cultural notables" to contribute a story about their first sexual experience. Miranda described how she was 17 (she said "I think [my mom] was surprised it had taken me so long."), and her boyfriend was a 27 year old grad student at UC Berkeley. He was so poor that he didn't have a bed, so they just did it on the floor. I love how she ends the piece:

We went out for a few months. It was an intense, formative time for me. I was thinking very hard about everything, including, but not only, feminism. One night I suggested we drive up to the hills overlooking the city. We parked and stood together on the edge of a cliff. I asked him to go down on me while I looked at the view. When he stood up again, I broke up with him.

Finally, when looking for pictures of Miranda July, I stumbled upon this. How great is this poster for "Me, You, and Everyone We Know"?!

This is the inside joke of all inside jokes: see the movie. 

P.S. Are we surprised at all that her parents were professors and writers...and that they founded North Atlantic Books -- a publisher of "alternative health, martial arts, and spiritual titles"?!

Crushworthy

Sarah Polley

This crush can be considered kind of weird, because I grew up watching her on TV as a kid. She was freakin' Ramona Quimby and Sara Stanley from Road to Avonlea, for chrissakes!

Regardless of that, I still have a crush on Sarah Polley. I do think she's pretty, but I think I'm most drawn to her intelligence and passion. She's an actress, director, and a screenwriter. Pretty impressive. And what I mean by passion is that she's seems very tough-as-nails and she's not going to take your shit if she disagrees with it. One of the reasons she left Road to Avonlea was because she felt the show was becoming too Americanized when it was picked up by the Disney Channel for distribution in the U.S. (she, and the show, is Canadian. I love me some Canadians).

She's also been very involved in various political and social issues. At the ripe age of 12 she attended an awards ceremony and wore a peace sign to protest the Gulf War. Disney executives had asked her to remove it, but she refused. Last year, she directed a two-minute short film in support of the Heart and Stroke Foundation of Canada that was to be aired during the Academy Awards (in Canada). When she learned that the campaign was a marketing promotion for Becel, a margarine company, Polley withdrew her name from the project. She said when she made the film she thought she was promoting the Heart and Stroke Foundation and she was proud to be associated with such an organization, but she did not support her work being used to promote a product. She says she refuses to promote any corporate brand.
She also has a history of being very involved in politics. She's been involved with the New Democratic Party in Canada. She was part of Toronto mayor David Miller's transition advisory team. She's been involved with the Ontario Coalition Against Poverty. She protested against the FTAA. In 1995, during a protest against Mike Harris's Progressive Conservative provincial government, she lost two back teeth after being struck by a riot police officer. 

She was originally cast in the movie Almost Famous (as Penny Lane) -- which was a big budget, big hyped film that was bound to give her a lot of attention. But she decided to drop out of Almost Famous to return to Canada to star in a low budget independent movie for a Canadian director that she greatly admires. She makes choices that might not be the best for her career, but she makes the choices because she believes in them. That's admirable.

Jon Stewart

This doesn't really need an explanation. Jon is extremely smart, witty, and funny. And oh so adorable. And sexy. What's not to love? I got to see him in person twice in one week, and it was lovely. 

Crushworthy

Jon Hamm

Here's the thing. I'm not really attracted to Jon Hamm as Jon Hamm. I'm attracted to Jon Hamm as Don Draper. Not the character Don Draper (hell no), but Jon Hamm dressed as Don Draper. For some reason, Jon Hamm as Jon Hamm just doesn't seem all that attractive to me. Don't get me wrong, he's still a good looking guy, but he's not as good looking. I think because I don't like Jon's hair when it's all floppy and he's usually not clean-shaven. But when he slicks his hair back and he's wearing those awesome 60s suits with the thin ties (as Don), then I'm really attracted to him.

vs

Chan Marshall

I think Chan Marshall is so pretty. I also love her music and her warm, smoky voice (she is Cat Power). So while I don't mind looking at her and listening to her music, she's not one of those crushes where I would actually want to be in a relationship with her. She's just a little too crazy for me. She's had a really crazy life, she's experienced breakdowns (sometimes on stage), she's suffered addictions. I think she's gotten over a lot of that stuff and has gotten help and I think she's in a better place now. But, still, she's the kind of person I would imagine that would burn all my clothes if we were to ever break up...So this crush is purely physical and musical (attracted to her talent).

Crushworthy

What else is the internet there for but to let people know what you're doing; where you're at; and what you're listening to, watching, and reading. So to keep up with this self-important adventure of letting you know all about me, I'll be running a series on my celebrity crushes. I'll post one of my male and female celebrity crushes each entry (because I'm progressive like that). Some of these crushes are purely physical (i.e., I think they're good-looking, but I wouldn't want to actually be in relationship with them); while others I would totally want to be their significant other, and live with them, and have none of their babies. So there are varying levels of crushworthiness -- from major crush to small crush (i.e., sometimes I find them attractive, sometimes I don't). It should be noted that some of my crushes I find attractive because of some aspect of their personality/talent, but I don't know if I would necessarily find them all that attractive otherwise. Like Conan O'Brien. If I just saw that guy on the street...eh (actually, if I saw him on the street it would be more like "Wow that guy is super tall" and then "eh"). But because I know who he is and I love his sense of humor and intelligence, I'm more inclined to be like "you know what...yeah, I'd get on board with that."

Here is the first Crushworthy segment:

Joseph Gordon-Levitt

This man knows how to wear a vest, am I right or am I right? I actually had a crush on him when I was younger, too (See: Angels in the Outfield, 3rd Rock from the Sun, 10 Things I Hate About You). I was glad when he lost the long hair (the Willy Wiggins in Dazed & Confused hair. Time hasn't been as generous to Willy Wiggins as it has been to Joseph Gordon-Levitt...). If you don't have a crush on him, just watch his dance scene in (500) Days of Summer, and then you will.

Tina Fey

Tina is the complete package. Good-looking, smart, and ridiculously funny and witty. And, no, this doesn't mean I have something for Sarah Palin too.