Look-Alikes: Part 2

Spain just lost their game against Switzerland 1-0 (don't even get me started...). Gelson Fernandes scored the winning goal. He also looks like Toofer from 30 Rock (Keith Powell).

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Look-Alikes

Sergio Ramos, the Spanish soccer player, reminds me of Butthead from Beavis & Butthead.

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Well, from the neck up he reminds me of Butthead.

His shirt says 'semens', hu hu hu.

The Coach Must Likely to Play an Evil Villain In a Movie

Germany's head coach, Joachim Low.

He's a cold hearted snake, look into his eyes...

He massages his hands in anticipation as he waits for his diabolical schemes to take root

Don't let the cute scarf fool you. He kills at will.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know I hurt your feelings by kidnapping your child as a ploy to get access to you. My sincerest apologies."

You do not want to make this guy angry...

He re-enacts the first time he pulled someone's heart out of their chest with his bare hands.

Midnight meetings at the dock warehouse to plan evil is best when shared with a friend. And a thermos of hot cocoa.

He's always watching. He has eyes everywhere.

To give himself more 'evil street cred', he claims his cleft chin is really a scar from a knife fight with a ninja master.

"Careful, these pythons have killed before."

The classic evil villain wardrobe of choice: Turtle neck and a sports jacket.

In small, rare moments of humanity, even he is disgusted with who he has become.

More Superficial Commentary on the World Cup

I'm currently watching the Serbia vs. Ghana game. I wasn't planning on watching it (I don't care about either team...sorry Serbia and Ghana), but it was on, and I had nothing better to do. Anyway, the Serbian goalie, Vladimir Stojkovic, kind of looks like MacGruber to me (the SNL character). He especially reminds me of MacGruber when he dives for the ball and his hair flows in the wind.

As a result, I find myself constantly singing what the goalie is doing to the MacGruber theme song. In case you don't know what it sounds like, here's a clip. You pretty much only need to listen to 15 seconds.

This is an example of one of my Goalie MacGruber songs: "MacGruber! Here come Ghana forwards, they want to kick your ass now. MacGruber! Look out for that one guy, he's sneaking up behind you. MacGruber! You're playing one man down, so be on your toes! MACGRUBER!

And when he would make a good save, I would just yell out "MACGRUBER!", like they do in the song.

I hope the neighbors can't hear me.

In Case This Coaching Thing Doesn't Work Out...

...Diego Maradona always has a spot in an Alabama cover band.

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What is up with Randy's pants?! Maybe leather pants aren't the best choice if you have a gunt....or a massively protruding hernia (probably caused from trying to put on those pants)

At Least TRY to Hide Your Intentions

Soccer (football) is a big deal in Europe. Hell, it's pretty much a big deal everywhere but the United States (and to a lesser extent, Canada). Here's the latest piece of evidence to back up that thesis statement:

Two soccer players on the French national team -- Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema -- are getting in some hot water for allegedly sleeping with an underage "escort" (she was 17 at the time).

Here's the best part:

According to Liberation Newspaper, the police investigation into whether Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema knowingly paid for sex with an underage escort girl has been put on hold until after the World Cup. "We're not moving till the World Cup is over," a police insider told Liberation. "There is no rush. The implications are too serious."

The police are putting off an investigation because they don't want it to hinder France's chances (oh, nice rhyme!) at winning the World Cup next month!! At least try to hide the fact that you're putting a criminal investigation on hold because you don't want these soccer stars arrested and unable to play. At least try to be coy about the fact that you're letting a national sport rule your police work. You could have said, "We're investigating this and taking it seriously. We will not rush the investigation, as this is a very important matter. We're going to take our time with it." Then it sounds like you're working on it all the while, but really you're not going to touch it until after the World Cup. But when you say, "We're not moving till the World Cup is over", that makes it pretty obvious what your intentions are: World Cup Title > Justice.

I like Ribery as a soccer player, and I was surprised to hear that Ribery was involved in this prostitution scandal. Well, not really surprised, I mean I don't really know anything about him personally. Maybe he totally is a scoundrel womanizer (that sleeps with another woman while married with kids). I just know him as a soccer player and as my little Quasimodo. Yeah, I know it's totally horrible that I call him that. Yeah, I know he was in a terrible car accident as a child. It's just my term of endearment for him...

Surely this is not someone that has to pay for sex.

I know, I'm terrible.

P.S. Ribery and Thierry Henry are my favorite French words. And when I say words, I mean French soccer player names. Roughly pronounced Ree-bear-ree and Tee-airy On-Ree. I only watch the French soccer team so I can cheer for those names (while also eating a baguette).